Being married for over 30 years to my husband has taught me many different things. I have learned what works for us and how we both can help make our marriage stronger. Through the ups and downs, highs and lows, there has always been one thing that has worked for us in our marriage.
The marriage secret that works for us wasn’t something we were told by someone else. It wasn’t something we discovered in some book. It was a natural behavior that started in our marriage early on and carried over the years. One day I then realize it was something we did that worked for us and our marriage.
When our friends or other couples came to us about marriage tips or to give them advice on their marriage, this was one of the top tips I told them about that worked for my marriage.
I thought I could share this marriage tip with you today and hopefully, it might be helpful for you and your marriage. Adapt it to you and your family and how it works for your marriage!
What Can I Do for You?
The marriage tip that has helped create a team approach to my marriage and parenting in ours is this.
How can I help you? What can I do for you?
Many years ago, before my husband and I had children, I was having a conversation with my friend about how she has a “honey-do list”. She said she lays this list on the counter and when her husband comes home the first thing he does is looks at the list and completes those tasks.
The “honey-do list” didn’t have huge projects listed. The list was filled with simple things, such as to help maintain the household. It was simple things she wanted accomplished and was asking him to do for her. He learned early on that if he did these simple tasks it made her feel loved and supported in their marriage
It then dawned on me that this was a similar way that we do things in our marriage. It wasn’t a “honey-do list”, but a simple phrase that often happened in the morning in our home. It became a typical way we started our day together to help each other out and to both make our days a little easier.
This one marriage tip has helped create a team approach in our marriage. I didn’t feel like I was doing it alone, but I felt I had another person I could ask to help me with simple things. Sometimes it was asking my husband to stop by the grocery store to pick something up for dinner that night or taking the kids to one of their activities.
There is a saying that I love, and it is “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” I wanted to never go alone and fast in my life. In my marriage, I wanted to go far. I wanted to go far in my family, my impact, and my influences in the world. My husband and I both realized that we are much better as a team together.
Modeling this philosophy has also influenced our kids. Our children see that when dad gets home he is asking these questions or in the morning time when one of us is trying to get out the door. They see that we run this home as a team, not doing our separate things. While we do have our own separate activities, interests, and things we do, but we still come back and work together as a team.
What It Does
This marriage tip is really all about how I can help you, what can I do for you, how can I make your day easier for your partner and family. It shows support to one another. It also models to your children that you are on the same team. It’s saying how can I make your day better? How can I help you be the best version of yourself by helping you?
I have felt like this has helped my husband and me to communicate with each other. I feel better, easier, and more open to be able to ask my husband for help know that he is willing to give me that help instead of a situation where I have to tiptoe around it and hope maybe he will say this time or help me without getting upset, or I am inconveniencing his day. If it is something my husband cannot help me with then he is always honest with me and says he cannot do that today or not going to be able to help. He will then tell me when he can help me with it, such as tomorrow.
Asking how you can help each other brings less stress. I have felt my family is less stressful because I know my husband will help me if I am feeling overloaded. It helps reduce the stress in your home, and in your kids too.
Our kids can easily pick up on our stress and know when we are overwhelmed. Sometimes when kids pick up on stress, they sometimes feel like they are an inconvenient, such as taking them to their activity or helping them with their project. Our kids might stop asking us for help and being involved in their life because they feel like they might be the stress factor when really our kids are not.
How can you start doing this today? How can you implement it into your marriage and family? See how maybe you can adapt this marriage tip into your married life and in your family today by sitting down with your partner and talking about this marriage tip I shared with you today. I hope this marriage tip has given you some idea on how to help make your marriage stronger.