Marriage is full of wonderful moments together, but it also has its fair share of not so wonderful moments. My husband and I are two different people. We are not perfect, and we will always have our differences. Sometimes we may not always handle our differences well either. Marrying my husband has brought many wonderful things, but it also has taught me that we are forced to face the stresses of life together.
While we might not enjoy the aspects of handling conflicts in our marriages. Avoiding any disagreements with each other can be more damaging than fighting about it. No life, no marriage, and no person are perfect. All marriages struggle but struggling in a marriage is normal to help you grow and develop a strong relationship together.
Here are 5 ways to help solve conflict in your marriage.
1. Talk About It
When a conflict does arise, it is always important to talk about it. The first look you need to think about is what was the underlying issue before the conflict occurred. Are you or your partner stressed out? Is the issue something from your personal history? A conflict might arise between you and your spouse because of external factors that need attention. Together you will want to focus on what the external factor might have been that caused the issue before you can resolve it.
Make sure you don’t avoid talking about conflict either. It’s important to talk about important problems that occur between you. Sweeping it under the rug never makes them disappear. Unsolved disagreements will only be added on top of newer conflicts that arise. If you or your partner avoid talking about the conflict, you will need to establish strategies to ensure you both can talk about the issue and solve it together.
2. Always Fight Fair
Always fight fair when you are trying to find a resolution to your disagreements. Remaining calm is important. If you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions of bitterness, anger, and wrath, then you will want to find a time when you address the conflict without feeling these emotions. Feeling these emotions can often lead you to say words or do something that creates a deep wound.
Avoid talking in terms of absolute. Using phrases like “You always…” or calling them can be damaging to your spouse’s character. In addition, you will want to avoid making assumptions. Make sure you understand each other’s intentions. Not understanding each other’s intentions creates miscommunication.
When a disagreement agrees, it’s easy to quickly fall into pointing fingers and blaming the other person. Instead, you want to stop the fight and create a path where you both will find resolution to your disagreement. Be the firs to apologize if the fault is yours or to see your spouse’s perspective in the current situation. By the end of your talk you might find it necessary to forgive and apologize to each other.
4. Plan and Stick to It
Conflicts occur for many different reasons, sometimes this is because one of you needs a change. If you are needing a change, you need to tell each other what that change is in order to prevent future disagreements. Plan to stick to those changes you have discussed to meet each other’s needs and then stick to it. Identifying the change and planning will help you both find happiness in your marriage and a strong relationship with each other.
5. Reconnect with Each Other
Sometimes after a conflict has been solved or a mutual understanding has been reached, it might not feel like it is completely over. It can be difficult to let of some disagreements for you or your partner. Take time to reconnect with each other. Maybe you need to talk about the conflict at a later time after you both had some time apart and had time to reflect. Maybe you just need a hug and kiss from your spouse. Maybe doing something you both enjoy can help you move forward. Whatever it may be, do it to help you both reconnect and move forward.