by: Arlyn Lawrence
One Valentine’s Day, the parents of our teenage daughter’s best friend took the girls and a third friend out to a fancy restaurant. The dad gave the girls pretty rings and a pep talk about their priceless worth and the importance of loving and respecting themselves. He had contacted my husband and me earlier to ask our permission and we happily consented. After all, he was reinforcing something we felt strongly about and we were glad for our daughter to hear it from more than just us.
In fact, we joke all the time that parenting is a “team sport”—and our team extends beyond ourselves as Mom and Dad. Some experts believe the magic number is five—that every teen needs at least five adult voices in his or her life that will reinforce positive values and a healthy self-image. For our kids, these voices have included:
grandparents and other extended family members
family friends
youth group leaders/mentors
teachers and coaches
parents of some of their friends
It’s been rewarding to see the different perspectives and qualities these other “voices” have contributed, especially at times when Mom and Dad were a little less popular! They offered wisdom in diverse areas like:
work ethic
integrity
perseverance and self-discipline
relationships
financial management
faith and prayer
practical skills like construction, painting, cooking, and car repair
the value of marriage and family
aspirations for college and a successful career
Do you have the benefit of other influences in your teen’s life that will tell him the same things you would? The unique value of other adults in our teens’ lives is not just the wisdom they offer, but the fact that they are listened to. So, if our voices are temporarily devalued and our influence seems to be waning, we can recruit others to “shore us up.” Plus, sometimes other adults offer unique perspectives and insights that we as parents simply lack.
Guaranteed: your children will stumble here and there as they make great strides. Sometimes, they will want you there to pick them up, dust them off and set them straight again. Other times, they’ll prefer you keep your distance and let them handle it. In these instances, having those important third part voices in place will be great backup support.
If your teen is having a tough time, who in your life could become an asset for the situation? It always pays to know, just in case!
Arlyn Lawrence is the co-author of Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World. She is the mother of five grown children and grandmother to two. You can read more or order the book at www.parentingforthelaunch.com.