Are Great Moms and So-so Friends?

sosofriendBy Steph Fink

Some of the best moms I know are some of the crappiest girlfriends.

Before you throw darts at me, I wrote some, not all, okay?

I have the absolute honor of traveling around to not just speak to, but more importantly, to listen to hundreds of women in different Mom groups.  I love doing this so much…SO MUCH.

A personal pet peeve of mine, and I believe Jesus’ too, is when a woman that is also a mother says, “My friends without kids, they just don’t understand. We can’t be friends anymore.”

If I had a penny for every time I heard this statement, I would…have a butt load lot of pennies.

My heart sinks when I hear this because some of the best moms I know are some of the crappiest girlfriends.

Listen, I know what I’m talking about here because once King Jacob was born after my painful three miscarriages, I was pretty sure the song lyric of, “Come let us adore him” was written for him.  I let friendships slip and found myself frustrated with friends that didn’t want to hear the amazing 1,000 things my kid did just in the past hour. No baby ever pooped my kid man.

Some of the best moms I know are some of the crappiest friends.  I knew my kid’s poop schedule better than how my girlfriends were doing.

So when I hear the, “We can’t be friends anymore” statement, this foolish thing can’t judge it, cause she was it.

Here’s a couple of things I want to ask you to really, really consider:

– Maybe the friendship isn’t only about what you receive, but what have to offer.

– Maybe the time has come to decrease your exposure to certain girlfriends whether they are or are not moms.

– Maybe the woman in a different stage of life is a well placed gift made just for you.

– Maybe you are the gift made just for the woman in a different stage of life.

– Maybe the fear of being a bad Mom scares you.

– Maybe the time spent trying to be perfect is time better spent sharing with a girlfriend and finding the comfort in being imperfect, together.

– Maybe the fear of being known by a girlfriend scares you and you’d rather blame motherhood.

– Maybe you need to hear about life outside of your Mommy life because it will make you a better Mom by investing in friendships (and give your brain a change of pace!)

– Maybe you need a few solid Mommy friends to celebrate and commiserate. Both “c’s” are vital to mental sanity!

– Maybe your friendship circle doesn’t have to be exclusively a Mom squad.

– Maybe your not-having-a-child friend needs you to be a friend to her, not just a mother to your child.

– Maybe starting a new friendship is scary. I know it is. Maybe it’s worth it.

One of the absolute best ways to be an amazing Mom, is to be a faithful (I didn’t write perfect!) friend to God, spouse (if you have one) and a few girlfriends.

I believe being a good (not perfect) friend helps me be a better Mom. I do.  Modeling healthy friendships to my offspring is one of the biggest gifts I can give them.  I’d also like to add in prayer and Bible study too!  My kids may or may not get married but they will need God and friends to get them through this life.

Years ago, I had a conversation with a Momma-girlfriend that to be honest, I felt like a massive-momma-loser-around. She sewed, gardened, made her own bread (from scratch), well versed in the Bible, home-schooled and seemed like she didn’t need sleep. Did I mention that she was also really, really smart? She was also her college class salutatorian. I felt frustrated because there was always a wall between us. I couldn’t put my finger on it.  I knew I was one of her closer friends. I was frustrated because our friendship was ready for take off but never “took off”.

On one of her rare vulnerable moments she told me, “Sometimes I hide behind my children.”

That one moment of sharing gave me so much insight. Fear of being known. I get it. I got her.

I’m sad to say that our friendship never did “take off” and soar but I am grateful that God allowed us to be friends for a short season.  We helped each other get through our miscarriages and that’s a gift. Really.  A most precious gift.

If you’re a Mom, don’t be a crappy friend. Don’t forget your friends that aren’t Moms.  And gals that aren’t Moms, don’t give up on your obsessed Mom friends!

Does being a Mom mean you’re a so-so friend? What are your thoughts?


Steph Fink is an inspirational speaker, writer and blogger with a passion to encourage women with practical principles for purposeful and powerful lives. Steph blogs at and gives daily encouragement on her Encouraged in Heart Facebook Page.

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2 Responses

  1. Not a Mom. I was not blessed with childern. And every time I have had my thoughts and option on children brushed aside because I “Don’t know what I am talking about because I do not have children” It hurts. I do not know how some women do it. Great Moms, wife’s and very good friends.

    1. I sincerely appreciate you words and heart Meredith. It means SO much to me that you posted them here to help us learn how to be better friends!

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