Details

By Steph Fink

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I woke to a gentle tap on my bedroom door and my father said, “Steph, I think I need your help.”

It was 6am.  Sensing the urgency, I sprung from bed to check on my Dad. “Pop, sit down and let me see.” It was clear that my father needed to get to the hospital quickly.

Hours after Dad was examined, checked in into the Emergency Room and shaking under six hospital blankets (two of which were heated), I realized that I forgot one important detail.

My underwear.

Let’s just take a moment to pause to thank God that I did not forget my jeans, okay?

You see, I rushed to get dressed and attend to the other important details such as my Pop’s medications and accessories (which are more complicated than the NASA launch sequence), our kids and the other events of the day. I decided after all the other details were taken care of, I’d dig a clean pair out of my suitcase. Well, that last detail never happened.

I’m living proof that some details need to be left out of the story.

Some details need to go, while others need to be remain, if for nothing else, for entertainment purposes. For example, my father told the ER doctor that his two allergies were to “penicillin and rap music”. That detail stays, because it’s just plain funny.

So you may be wondering, why do I bring up my underwear (or lack of em’)?

Because some details need to be left out of stories.

Women, we need to cover one another where we’re most vulnerable, in our private areas. Okay?

Really, I should stop…

Sometimes we get our feelings hurt or a friend does something that just doesn’t jive, but there’s this thing called “Grace”. I know we can’t just stuff our hurts and emotions down and away, because the truth of the matter is that they don’t go away, but often get worse. I’m a recovering food addict. One of the most important pattern changes God’s helped me make, is to not stuff my emotions (which leads to binging) but rather share them in a safe way.

But who and when I share my pain – that detail is very, very important because it speaks to my character. When I share stories I need to love the person, even if she acted like a jerk face. (Ahem…)

The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:8 that, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Love leaves some details out of a story and leaves them under-where no one else but God can see them. (I could go on like this for days…)

There’s a way to share a story and then there’s another way to destroy a reputation.

Gossip is murder.

Recently I was tested in this, yet again.

I was hurt badly by someone I love. We talked it through and got to the best ending point that was possible. After crying on and off for the four days that followed, I was stuck.

I needed some comfort. Some wisdom. Some perspective.

So I did the most horrible thing ever.

I picked up my phone.

The first person I called couldn’t talk because she had to run into an appointment. The second person I called went right to voice mail.

The first two people I called knew the woman that hurt me. I abhor writing this but the reason I called both of them was to avenge myself, to make her look bad and me good. But you see how off that last sentence was, right?

I had to stop and reconcile with the woman I was behaving like and woman I wanted to be. God pointed me to just the right friend who doesn’t know the woman, but does know me.

Guess it’s safe to say the third time’s a charm.

My friend, Joann, picked right up. I shared my heart and asked her to help me be the woman I want to be, not the woman I was acting or feeling like.

She listened.
She validated.
She comforted.
She prayed.

In her prayer, she said “Thank you” and “Reveal”.

I’m grateful God revealed the meat of this post and some very other important things about the woman that hurt me. She’s hurting too. I’m quickly reminded that often those that are hurting, hurt others.  Clearly, I was no exception to this statement by my actions.

I believe that God didn’t allow my flesh to be gratified in the first two calls because God gives grace in moments when I least deserve them. He’s so cool like that. After a honker of a reality check, God allowed my soul to feel satisfied. God cares how we respond to life’s “speed bumps” and thankfully permits grace along the way.

Some details need to be omitted and some need to remain. But before you move out, have the courage to ask this question, “Why am I saying this?”

If it’s to make the other person look bad and you look good…don’t do it. Once you say it, you’ll never be able to take it back.

When someone hurts you, “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.” (Ephesians 4: 26 Message)

Just don’t use your anger or mouth for revenge – like I almost did…um, the first two times. God showered me with grace that day and made sure I released my emotions to the right person.

God is in the details. God cares about the details. God covers the details…even under-where no one sees. (I’m leaving you now…)

Have you ever been the victim of gossip? How did it make you feel? What you learned from it?

**Steph can be found blogging at www.encouragedinheart.org or on Facebook at Stephanie Fink or on her Facebook page Encouraged in Heart – Stephanie Fink.  She loves big hair, big cups of coffee and big bear hugs.