By: Jolene Engle
- Some are directly related to her man.
- Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life.
- Some could be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin or abuse.
- Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc.
Issues Related to Her Man
- Her husband is a jerk. Now, what woman in her right mind, would want to get naked and sleep with some rude, insensitive, self-centered, pig of a man? I know I wouldn’t! Quite frankly, I did not walk down the aisle to marry a man like that and I can reckon that most wives didn’t either.
- He treats her more like a child rather than his wife.
- She’s lost respect for him for a number of reasons. He could be a poor decision maker, father, money manager, lazy worker, doesn’t deal with conflict, is afraid to deal with extended family problems, etc.
- She no longer trusts him. Maybe he’s gotten into pornography or had an affair.
- He has poor hygiene and she’s turned off by him.
- She’s no longer physically attracted to him.
- He only has sex with her so he can physically satisfy himself, therefore, sex is not enjoyable to her.
- Because of how he treats her or how she views him, she feels emotionally disconnected from him.
She’s Focused on Her Family Life
- She’s stressed and/or worried. Family and/or financial problems consume her mind so she’s not in the mood.
- She’s mentally exhausted.
- Sex is not on her to-do list and her list is already long enough as it is.
- Her children sleep in her bed. To get them out and re-train them to sleep in their own beds would be like World War III, and it’s just not something that she wants to deal with. Keeping peace with the kids is more important than having sex with her husband. Who wants to deal with another temper-tantrum, right?
- She’s pregnant and feels undesirable.
- She’s nursing and she doesn’t want another human being on her. She needs her space so she can breathe.
She’s Dealing with Her Own Inner Demons
- She feels guilt or shame from past sexual experiences or abuse.
- She’s feels insecure about her body.
- Sex is painful. When my babies entered into the world, let’s just say that natural childbirth jacked up my female body parts and made something that was once so physically pleasurable, now something excruciatingly painful. ”What the heck just happened and how do I fix it,” were my thoughts on my new found problem.
- She’s physically exhausted. I lived with 10 years of chronic fatigue. Naps were scheduled into my daily routine because I couldn’t function without them. If this way of life describes you, then plan for naps and simplify your schedule. Yes, I realize that if you’re facing these issues you feel like your life as you once knew it, is now over.
- She’s chronically sick. Yep, been here as well, my friend. If you really want to know more about me, then we’re going to get up close and personal on this one! In fact, I can’t believe I’m going to type this one out loud for the entire world to see. But hey, if it ministers to another sister in the Lord, then so be it. So here it goes…. I had a rectal and vaginal infection for well over a few years and let me just say that having sex with my husband when you have infections in those areas is not something on the top of my to do list! The doctors were of no help either. When they said, “I’ve never seen anything like this”, those words don’t bring a whole lot of comfort to the patient.
- She has a low sex drive. Of course I can relate to this one as well being that I had rupturing ovarian cysts for over 5 years. Ya know, those things have a tendency to be related to imbalanced hormones! Of course all of my sexual/health-related issues made me feel like I wanted to slap someone, or better yet, kill someone, but that’s not something the Lord would’ve been too pleased with.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT)
* Jolene Engle of The Alabaster Jar is a Mom to two boys , Wife and inspirational blogger